Well, firstly, I am sorry for not posting in 6 days. (ok, I am not really that sorry, but..) Life’s being a pain for me in the past few days. Firstly, I am a little sick. I am not exactly sure what kind of sickness, but it seems to be a mix of cold, headaches, sore eyes, muscle aches and stomachaches. And I am sure it is not a fever. (though the muscle aches are probably caused by cycling).
Then, there was this thing about the Outstanding Student Award Namelist. Apparently, despite my appeal and all, I am unable to recieve the award. That affected me deeply. For the past year, I have worked so hard, getting a high distinction in project work, ensuring I have got enough community service hours, making sure that my conduct grade is nothing less than excellent, spending extra effort to bring my LEAPS grade up, only to miss the award at the last final moment. Everything was in place, except my Mean Subject Grade, where I missed the requirement by just 1 grade. And that was also because my english and chinese results was 2/3 points below the requirement. Yeah, lots of people didn’t get the award as well, but I have worked so god damn hard throughout the year only to miss the award by two or three miserable marks in my exms. Moreover, if not for the fact that my form teacher is now in Beijing, I am sure that I can get him to appeal for me, which I am sure would yield results. So really, it had a very negative impact on me.
Next was a meeting with my friend (ok, maybe “friend” isn’t exactly an accurate description now). You see, we had a little falling out a few months back and that little incident somehow evolved into a huge misunderstanding. (I am certain it is a misunderstanding, since I happened to have heard his point of view from another friend, and somehow it was a largely distorted truth. (in fact, I doubt it can be considered as the truth anymore) I thought pretty much it was time to make up, since he was one of my best friend (if not the very best) before the little incident. OK, it’s true, maybe I am partly at fault due to my huge ego and stuff, but I am sure he is not entirely free of the responsibility either. After all, it takes 2 hands to clap. But anyway, I arranged to meet up with him, to understand his view, and to apologise (and of course to seek an apology from him as well). We agreed to meet at 1600, at a shopping centre near his place. However, by 1630, there was no sign of him, no SMS, no calls explaining why he is late by half an hour even though we chose to meet at a location near his house. Finally, at 1645, I recieved a SMS from another friend to tell me that he is just leaving his place, with no explaination whatever. I was like “WTF..” but decided that since I initiated the meet up, might as well get through with it. So, I went in to have a coffee. However, another 45 minutes passed without any sign of him, and he ignored all my calls. Finally, I had enough, and I decided to leave, after one and half hours of waiting. Just as I was about to leave, he told me that he’s still waiting for someone else to come and meet me together. So I got really pissed off and I just decided to forget the meeting.
Don’t be mistaken, I am not against the idea of having another person to witness any discussion, argument or apology we have to make. It’s just that he simply can’t be bothered to even keep me updated, until maybe the very last second, when you are really going to lose it. Then when I told him I had enough (sprinkled with one or two vulgarities - I couldn’t help it), he told me that he has been waiting for 3 whole months for this meet up and I can’t even wait 1.5 hours. I don’t want to say this, but the truth is that the 3 months of waiting has been much more painful for me than him. And there was a very good reason for me to wait until 3 months later: we have gotten too close, so close that we have begun to see very clearly each other’s flaws and dislike each other. That’s why a tiny incident broke off our long standing friendship. 3 months of pain and regret, of wanting of patch up, and he can’t even be bothered to arrive on time for the meeting or explain why he’s late. That’s why right now I have very conflicting thoughts, part of me wants to attempt to make up again, another part of me doubt that we would ever be able to resume our normal friendship. So I am really confused right now.
Indeed life’s a pain, I don’t see the point of all hype about prolonging life beyond a hundred years.
Till next time,
cheers